My Son Doesn’t Want To Answer The Phone

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My son does not want to talk to me: what to do, insist or resign?

Here are three issues.

# 1 – Who Used the Phone?
The first thing to do is make sure that the phone is actually used by the child alone, since if the dominant parent had control of it, even partial, that would suffice to frustrate the alienated parenting approach attempts. Possible consequences could be from simply deleting the message at manipulation attempts “the bastard sent you a message, do you intend to answer him?” Or “instead of calling and seeing you, he/she send messages … what kind of father / mother is it?”

# 2 – Is it enough to send messages?
It’s true that instant messaging applications have the advantage of sending sms at any time and even receiving notification of receiving and reading: but are we sure this is enough to try a approach with your child? The alienated parent will think “I’m keeping the contacts, if he does not answer, I can not do anything”, producing, in some cases, screenshots in court to prove the failed attempts. However, this way may appear to relieve of responsibility, indirectly. the son feels delegate in undertaking or not the conversation: if it does it is the substance of his will if he doesn’t is because of the alienated parent.. In both cases, decision-making power is in the hands of the child. Once again, the alienated parent, whatever he does, is wrong.

# 3 – Sms are impersonal
While it is true that sometimes the messages seem to be the only channel to maintain a relationship with the child, it is true that such interaction remains impersonal and superficial. It is easier for the child to keep distances with the other parent, not having the father / mother in front of him, but a keyboard of a smartphone. In this case, the impersonal aspect of communication could favor feelings of anger and / or indifference.

What to do?

If possible, always favor visu reports or, at the limit, through telephone conversations, reducing to a minimum the need for sms communications, which in this case could serve only for urgent communications.
It certainly depends on the cases, but in general, personal contact is always preferable: better a quarrel with the child than a detached conversation through sms; better a missed phone call than an ignored sms.
The alienated parent must point to 100 to get 60.
Bet to the minimum is a strategy of losing, ineffective, passive, surrendering. Always keep in mind that your son is allied with the stronger perceived parent, while tending to keep distances from the weakest perceived parent.
Is your son needs you, not you him. Empower yourself by changing optics and put in the shoes of your child’s shoes: what are your needs? If I was in him, how would I react to insults and superficial sms?

Make sure your child can trust you always present whatever its reaction.
Challenges you to see if he can trust you: you welcome him always. All time!

P.S .: As you see, the alienating parent is considered little or nothing in this article: always keeping attention to the child is the winning strategy.

About the Author:

Psychologist, Psychotherapeut.

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