Dear Marco Pingitore,
I have a daughter who is 15 years old and lives with the other parent. With her I do not have a good relationship: she does not want to see me, I’m almost always looking for her. I get acquainted with his trips the same day of departure when he calls me a moment to tell me where he is going. She is the other parent who practically runs my daughter. I phone her often, though there are times of total despair, hoping, useless, that she calls me. What can I do?
Unfortunately at this age all types of intervention are difficult: both from a judicial point of view and from the psychological point of view, unless it is the same daughter motivated to relaunch relationships with her. Surely the contact between you and your daughter still exists, though labile and mild.
The tip I can give you is never to win. The moments you see all black are there and there will be, but stay in touch with your daughter, you do not have to interrupt it, albeit momentarily.
You always call her and let her call you, without being intrusive and never reproachful. This situation is not your daughter’s fault. It’s important that you always have it for her, even in this way.
You know that symbiotic relationships, such as that between your daughter and the other parent, tend to burst. They are based on secondary benefits and not on real affective needs. They are not authentic but instrumental. When that relationship is consumed, you will be available for your daughter who will not find it hard to find you because you’ve always been there waiting for her. Despite everything.